An Unwanted Anniversary

For the past 4 years, there has been an episode we go through with Lauren that has had us completely stumped. Exactly one week after her birthday, she goes through a bedtime anxiety. She has a terrrible fear, screams and cries, and holds on to us so tightly. When she turned 2, she threw herself out of her crib and cried until the wee hours of the morning. When she turned 3, she would get out of bed and bang on her door screaming and crying. We tried everything...comfort, cuddling, assessing any discomforts, night lights and then tough love. After the 3 year old episode, she slept with the covers over her head, and does it to this day. These episodes usually last about 3 nights, then she goes back to complete normalcy (goes right to bed and falls right to sleep).

Well, Lauren turned 4 last week....exactly eight days ago yesterday, and the episode occured...right on time according to the pattern. She kept saying she was having bad dreams, but she hadn't even gone to sleep yet. Daddy and I took turns going in her room to comfort, and then we finally said NO MORE! As Daddy was in her room for the last time, I heard him trying to comfort her, but she could not be consoled. I began to pray as I was in the hallway. I asked God why we have this episode every year at this time; there must be some reason for it. About 30 seconds after asking that question, Daddy called me into the room. He was holding Lauren with tears rolling down his cheeks, and he said to me, "What happened to her 8 days after her birth?" I knew exactly what he was talking about. She was abandoned. We know this because when she was found, she had a note on her with her birthdate on it. She was abandoned at 8 days old. Last night was exactly 8 days after her birthday. This has been happening every year exactly one week after her birthday. We saw this episode in a whole new light. Lauren has stored that horrible memory somewhere in her subconscious, and relives it every year. I wouldn't have believed it had our social worker not told us to watch her as she grows. She said things will come out as she gets older, things seeded from her abandonment. 8 days old... How can one so young be affected like that?

Well, I believe in a God of mercy. He is the one who shed light on her suffering last night. I asked Him to break this cycle of suffering, and I believe He will. She does not have to relive this nightmare for the rest of her life!

What she does know, as she cuddled on the sofa with us last night, is that she is loved, safe and will be ours forever. She pulled us closly on each side of her, pulled the blanket over us and said, "I love my family."